Goodbye 2012

I'm looking forward massively to 2013. For one thing, this first book will be written completely, errors will be put right, and agents will be contacted. That, of course, won't necessarily make me happy - though I dare say I will be happier than I have been. That could be the key: be happier. If we all try to be happier, then maybe we will be happier.
It's easier said than done, of course. All kinds of things can get you down; money, work, lack of money and work, health, relationships. Guess I'm lucky, as I feel a lot better than I have been, and being single means I can go and hide when the world gets too much and I can put some music on or watch a movie, or something. Can't say I'll be single forever - it's certainly never been my plan to be single. And I will be more outgoing, more open in 2013. Ladies, form an orderly queue! lol you can tell I've had a couple of drinks - beaujolais from a friend, for Christmas!
I won't be out on New Year's Eve, but I will be out on New Year's day - in Laygate, of course! Should be fun and hopefully I'll get to shake the hands of a lot of good people I'm lucky enough to call my friends. We all have absent family, absent friends, absent a lot of things. The personal 'shadow' we drag with us, especially at this time of year, can seem so much deeper and longer than it really is only if we allow it. So let's try not to allow it. Don't worry, I won't charge you for this advice! ;-)
Anyway, all I'll ask from myself in 2013 is to try to be happier and to get out more. The rest I can't control.
So here's to everyone on New Year's Eve. Here's to everyone for 2013. Let's hope those last two numbers will be lucky for all of us!
Cheers... x

Merry Christmas to all my readers!

May I wish a Merry Christmas to all of you who come here to Blogland and read my literary ramblings x  Not that there's much of a literary nature here, and Youtube has seen to it that the videos I uploaded look rather odd, too.
One thing I can say is that 2013 will see me searching for an agent at some point. I've got changes to make in my MS, but nothing so ruinous that I'll spend months (like I have done with other stuff) trying to get things right. I know what's wrong, so the right bits will appear.
I'm quite optimistic for the New Year that approaches. Successful or not, the first book will be completed and the agent hunt will commence. I might start to live ;-)
Enjoy yourselves and don't be too hard on yourselves: the world doesn't help you very much, so help yourself as much as you can.
Take care, all of you. I mean that xxx

The past

Sometimes the past hits you and you have no defence. I've been looking back, thinking about things, revisiting places that have reappeared. Can't help but gaze at them, people, places, things that have happened, didn't happen, could have happened, over my shoulder. It has been said that there is no armour against fate, and I guess I've made no plans for the future other than that I will be around, doing stuff. Achieving what? Not a lot thus far, I guess. I took off all the armour long ago. You can't change what has been; you can't change how it's been. You can only try to control what will be. And then sometimes it's gone, slipping past you like you're standing still.
2012    Couldn't say it's been a great year...
2013    What are you hiding...

A strange year...

... and a strange week!
Bit disturbed by the behaviour/attitudes of one or two people - not least in the past year, but also quite recently. The things people say and do. I've thought about things: they've lost me as a normal friend, I'm afraid. Their loss.
I must stress that these aren't my close long-held frendships I'm talking about - and there are a huge number of them - and definitely not my band of brilliant readers, so there's no worry there.
Still, I'm sure the usual justifying argument back will be that I am at fault ;-) We'll see how things go...
 On the other hand, I've renewed a great friendshp from my school days. I've known a guy named Terry Ruane since I was about 11 years of age - we even worked down the fairground together and it's a wonder to us now how we never kept in touch. Terry did leave school before I did, so life can take you down different paths as you all know. We had a great chat on Saturday (alongside a convo with my younger brother, who was fresh from directing a production of Peter Pan in Sunderland) and we reminisced over a few drinks, joined by another good mutual mate of ours, Arthur Gibson. I had to leave, in the end, as I had to go to a retirement do in Newcastle, the presentation for which I missed by 20 minutes. :-( These things keep happening to me! They've happened all year! Shame on me! All of this meant I couldn't get back for the reunion in Laygate. A great shame, though one that can be remedied by attending the next one, something I couldn't do with the retirement gig.
An odd time, really, lightened greatly by Saturday afternoon's events, though I could tell you other stuff I saw/experienced/noticed in the past week, things that surprised me, made me think, but it's all depressing general stuff, mostly concerning other people, not me. Like how I actually fell asleep TWICE at my laptop!!! Perhaps I'm a raging paranoid catalyst, or maybe we all experience things like this now and again, just never talk about it, but even a quiet walk down to the park and sea front had me looking at people and thinking 'What on earth...'
Well, Wednesday sees me out and about. Told you I was trying to change my life a bit. But it probably entails going to two different places again - Jeez, Pete, just get there!!
A thought occurs to me that, if I make this my final post this year, then all of it may be left behind and 2013 can be a better year.
Maybe I shall try that!

The Future

Had a good conversation with an old mate of mine, Mark Peters - he's working away in Africa and won't be back until the 3rd of January. Glad Mark is doing well and the future looks bright!
I'm off to a reunion on Saturday night in The Trimmers Arms. It's a general bash for people connected to the Laygate area of South Shields, commonly known among us as Lagos, after the huge concentration of Ethnic mixes. It's a great place, full of lively and intelligent people, fiercely loyal to family and friends. Should be fun, as it's not a greatly serious reunion, given that almost everyone keeps in touch with someone anyway. It's good to have something like this - gets me out for one thing!
I haven't been writing or blogging much lately, though I noticed, for example, that I had 23 blog visitors yesterday - the vast majority Russian, it seems. I'm probably being spammed (like my hotmail account), though I hope I'm being spidered :-)
It's getting my head round the events and rearranging/realigning things after the third chapter. It's gonna take some doing, though it will be done for sure.  A real test of my abilities in the modern arena, as I'm primarily a fantasy writer and I feel like I need to consciously move along in a certain way. Everything comes hard to me with this one. Not going to analyse why, as that would be a counter-productive 'dwelling-point'.
Christmas and New Year around the corner and I'm feeling optimistic. It's not a slog, but a long process. About time I put some music up on Facebook!
We'll get there... :-)

Existence
 

  

That we must hope

we are not all lost

in some failed

 transmission. 

That there is no error

in the flash of light

 and the teem of rain,

   upon the stream of the silent sea

that is

Creation
 

 Of all that we are  

  and all that surrounds us; 

 in all that protects us

from all that destroys us.

For should we not find

 the answers that we seek,

nor ease the question

of our bleak existence

  

As embers we shall burn

upon pyres we may not ever feel;

our fatal dust, 

drifting,

on winds of churning

  Eternity

                                                                                           Anon.