About a week ago, I looked at the beginning of my latest work. As much as I was pleased with what I'd done thus far, I knew that there would be some things I wouldn't be too pleased to find. I wasn't wrong. After moving things around, deleting, adding back, putting in something new, then re-reading it all, a slight feeling of depression came over me. I couldn't put my finger on it - well, I could really: I was more angry with myself than feeling depressed. I was horrified at some of the mistakes I'd made. Great ideas almost ruined by some shoddy thinking.
I immediately rang Noel the Ultimate Proofreader and asked him not to read what I'd given him as I had made some changes and was planning more changes. I think Noel had second-guessed me (I've done this before) and he was pretty casual about it: he hadn't read anything and was busy, so wouldn't for a while. Thank heaven he hadn't read it.
A couple of days later, I looked again at what I'd done. Still some rather moderate writing in places. So I changed things some more.
Last night, I was rewriting again. At about 1.40 a.m., I was copying the revised prologue and first two chapters onto disk. At last, I felt I was getting to the heart of what ailed things.
The result today is that I was dying to read what I'd done, and I felt in a much more buoyant mood. I've kept away from it, though. Friday night will be my next look. But I already know that I won't be disappointed. All of the ideas I'd had during the prolonged and intense planning were all there. Initially, they had been moderately executed in places, but they were at least there. But the last few days had seen them come to life. There was a soul there. I could see it, feel it.
Reflecting on all of this, I wondered if I was again doing what I always seemed to enjoy doing: being hard on myself. Noel has mentioned this to me quite a few times. After all, leaving my work alone for a while was actually part of the writing, a part of the plan. Fault-finding is a part of the plan.
For the first time, I don't feel in any way scared of my new story. I'm looking forward to it because I'm feeling so much happier about it. I really do believe that I will stand and not fall with my latest work. It's not just a hope that I feel.
I hope!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I am glad you remembered that leaving the work alone for a while and coming back to it is part of the process. Your mindset is different from one day to the next. You can overthink things instead of letting the story tell itself and flow through you as its instrument of choice.
Who knows what your thoughts may have been tainted with that day? Maybe you accidentally had a bad batch of Marmite (ew!) and its vileness permeated your writing? These things happen even to good people...It's all good (except vile Marmite).
Well, AGOL, I've tried Marmite and it is truly vile. It always seemed to me that someone must have come across it in a laboratory and saw a way of making money!
I have to be careful of what I read - I tend to soak in everything, and reading books while I'm writing is now definitely of the menu - like vile Marmite! And car manuals! ;-)
Post a Comment